Welcome to Alternate Reality, or more simply 'Life As I See It'. A recollection of a unique view of this order of things.

Sunday, July 29, 2007

Fit to be Clicked

Making the Middle east safer with more guns! American foreign policy has just stepped into the twilight Zone. In a further attempt to stabilize the middle east and counter the perceived threat of Iran's Nuclear program the US will be doling out about $20 Billion in advanced weaponry, missile guidance systems, upgraded fighter jets and naval ships to Saudi Arabia and other 'moderate' Arab states and they were even nice enough to throw in an extra $30 Billion dollars Israels way to stop them from completely blowing a gasket. The old adage that an armed society is a polite society has never really applied to that particular corner of the world, so I'm not too sure that dropping $50 billion in military hardware into the region is the best idea. Once one considers that the majority of the Jihadist recruits come from these 'moderate' countries, with Saudi Arabia topping the list the wisdom of this deal becomes a bit suspect. Even some of the American people are having problems believing it.

While we are on the topic of the Middle east. A few months into the famed troop surge that was to bring peace and tranquility to the shattered Iraq,( or Baghdad at the very least) how are things going? Sean Smith, a filmmaker and Photographer, spent two months embedded with US troops in Baghdad and Anbar province. His video and photo documentary is harrowing. If you don't feel like being harrowed, the BBC has these friendly and colorful charts.
In other news, Rodents are Spying on Iran.

Today's food Recall. Chili that is literally Bursting with Botulism!

Stepping back from the humanity of it all now, Tori Spelling is a Reverend. A what!? You read it right, a Woman of the Cloth, is nothing is sacred anymore? After securing her credentials on the Internet, she then officiated a same sex wedding for a couple at her bed and breakfast. The whole sweet ceremony will be broadcast as part of her reality show on the Oxygen Network. While I'm thrilled for the happy couple, I think it cheapens the sacrament with a superficiality that only gays and Las Vegas Elvis wedding chapels could conceive of.

Maybe nothing is sacred anymore, Homer Simpson has upset Pagans for taunting their aroused fertility giant with a donut..or cock ring, it's hard to tell from the picture.

Giant erections, massive cock rings, you just know that was a segue into today's first list...Top ten weirdest Japanese condoms. Such and odd odd people they must be.

On the topic of superficial, people are getting down on Adam Sandlers new film, 'Chuck and Larry'. It seems people think that it is anti-gay because of the way it presents negative gay stereotypes. Now I've never been an Adam Sandler fan but even I have to say, 'Oh please, you ain't seen nothing girlfriend', to that fluff. Today's next list is Top 10 Anti-gay Gay films. Most of which will make you want to thank your parents for being thoughtful enough to conceive you after the Stonewall Riots.

On the theme of things that are both bad and good for you, new research shows that Grapefruit may cause breast cancer, but once you have cancer...it helps cure it!

It's small, but its a real transforming robot.

Unfortunately placed advertising! One would think that there would be some sort of oversight to ensure that advertising gaffs like these didn't happen, but I'm glad there isn't.

If he only had a brain... How much of brain does one really need? The wonders of the human condition never cease to amaze me. Here are 17 more things you may not know about your brain.

A car you could kill for! At least that is how Toyota-Scion is marketing it's not-so-family-car to young hipster deviant 20 somethings with a taste for murder. Sure, I'm old enough now to have been completely desensitized to things like sex, violence and mature themes in advertising, but I think Toyota might be a little out of touch with the 18-35 male demographic they are targeting with this Ad game where your 'little deviant' gets to rend 'Sheeple' to bits and use the resulting body parts to customize himself before trotting off to the scion factory which uses the blood of the aforementioned Sheeple to produce...cars. The Scions are being described by Toyota's marketers as "aggressive Looking" and "a little bad ass", but even compared to Toyota's normal line up the cars aren't anything new.

I don't know too much about art, but this is one freakin' huge rubber ducky.

After 3 years on Mars the rovers are getting bored. While a massive dust storm that has engulfed nearly the entire planet may spell doom for those plucky Mars rovers Spirit and Opportunity, they haven't given up yet. But with their ability to generate power severely compromised their time may be drawing to an end. In honor of the little robots, today last list is the Top 10 discoveries of the Mars Rovers. In related Mars news, a rover launched to the red planet by Coca-cola Corp has just confirmed that the now arid surface of Mars was once partially drenched in crystal clear refreshing Dasani.

Bible spoiler!

In other news, researchers have shown that multiple stab wounds may drastically reduce life expectancy.

Wednesday, July 18, 2007

Fit to be Clicked

Life imitates Saw. So you deliver a pizza and then wake up with a bomb around your neck and a cryptic note telling you to rob a bank... What would you do? Well this poor guy robbed the bank and then his head exploded. The seriously disturbed woman charged with his murder is currently in jail serving time for killing her ex-boyfriend and stuffing him in a freezer for a wee bit. That aside, her attorney said prosecutors will have a difficult time proving her guilt as her two alleged co-conspirators are dead now too...

Our corner of the cosmos is looking at other corners of the cosmos, and you can help! The folks from the Galaxy Zoo Project are asking people to participate in a 'Hot-or-Not' vote of galactic proportions. They need your help to sort through pictures of a million or so galaxies to figure out what they are all about. Not only do you get to look at parts of the Universe that literally no-one has ever seen before, but you get to use time that you would otherwise waste working all in the name of scientific advancement.

Here's a new strategy in the war on terror. British release man eating badgers in Basra.

U.S. Homeland Security Secretary Michael Chertoff said in Chicago on Tuesday that the nation faces a heightened chance of an attack this summer. One would think that the Secretary of Homeland security would have some hard intelligence to back such a hysteria provoking proclamation, right? No actually. While there is no specific threat, he does have a really good hunch about it. Where does Bush find these people?

You ever noticed that whenever Bush has a problem with Congress, the administration whips up a bit of hysteria with some well timed leaks? Senior U.S. intelligence officials tell ABC News new intelligence suggests a small al Qaeda cell is on its way to the United States, or may already be here. The White House has convened an urgent multi-agency meeting for Thursday afternoon to deal with the new threat. Stepping back from the issue that this is political bullshit …you mean to tell me that Al Qaeda may already be here or are on the first flight to Boston and they are going to wait a couple of days to get around to discussing it? I guess they need time to get everyone’s lunch orders straight.

If there is one word that is so over-used these days it's 'radicalized'. Have you noticed you can 'Radicalize' just about anything and anyone these days? The ERA weren't terrorists, they were radicalised Protestants. Gay Anglican ministers? No such thing, just some Episcopalians radicalized by the homosexual agenda. Today's youth aren't narcissists or criminals, they have been radicalized by hip-hop music and Paris Hilton. And now after the London not-quite-quite bombings, we have Radicalized professionals.

But how much of a risk do they really pose? Bilal Abdullah, the 'Radicalized' doctor that built two car bombs that did not work, then proceeded to try drive a third one, (which also failed to detonate) through a reinforced cement barricade at a Scottish airport, and then even unsuccessfully tried to commit suicide by lighting himself on fire may not be the best example of a radicalized professional, but so far he's the only example we have. Was he really Radicalized or did he just have issues? Considering the sheer incompetence of the attempt, I'm leaning towards issues. After all, if Al Qaeda wanted to strike fear into Britons they have their martyrs and bombs and an array blunt instruments to do that. A doctors talents however might better lend themselves to say... more career appropriate terror. Fortunately Bilal was a dud, and radicalized professionals seem few and far between.

Considering the number of tainted food scandals in the last while, I'm far more concerned about radicalized fast food workers weaponizing hamburgers.

Ten politically incorrect truths about human nature. Why most suicide bombers are Muslim, sexual harassment isn't sexist, and why blonds really do have more fun. It's an interesting read, but it seems that human nature has a lot to do with sex.

On a completely unrelated note, here's a cool tip for making cold coffee taste good.

Talk about sending a message, a Chinese court has sentenced Chinas food safety minister to death for taking bribes and generally not looking out for the welfare of the common man. China however still blames its export woes on US importers, as they are the ones who aren't particularly looking out for the common man either. That being said, from Kitty Soo Guy to cardboard dumplings, Chinas food problems aren't new and their problems show far more on the inside then out.

Think it's uncool to be reading children's books at work? Here are some novel book covers so no one will ever know you're a closet harry Potter freak. Don't send these to the kiddies tho, a few are a wee bit over the top.

Friday, July 06, 2007

Fit to be Clicked

Africa is a continent of despair and desperation. Here, eight year-olds toting AK-47s massacre whole villages and eccentric dictators feast on the organs of the opposition, believing it'll boost their mojo. Tsetse flies nibble on the eyelids of starving children who sport distended bellies like it's their birthright, not to mention the fact that by the time you finish reading this article, another six Africans will die from malaria, five from AIDS, and seventeen from poverty and hunger. Also, the wildlife is beautiful and the people like to dance and sing.

That's Africa, and apparently it's in desperate need of our help. Luckily, a few enlightened megastars from America and Europe have come to save it. But then again, from BandAid to Live8, what has 20 years of Aid actually accomplished for African countries other then bloat their bureaucracies? And why ever would some of these obviously needy people want nothing more then for Bono to just but out?

Talk about unclear on the concept. During a recent launch of Apples Iphone, a daring man steals...a reporters microphone. With all the buzz that the Iphone has received over that past while, it's a shame that these other innovative Apple products have been pushed to the curb.

The foundations of Hip Hop have been shaken to the core with the revelation that Hip Hop artists lip sync too! At a recent awards show on BET 50 Cent's voice tack cuts out and well...he just wanders around the stage aimlessly. I know it's crazy but I can't figure out why he didn't just finish singing the damn song. He does know the words to his own song right?

Whatever to do on a rainy day, why not conduct physics experiments in the kitchen? All you need is a microwave and way to much free time on your hands and you to can calculate the speed of light or create plasma with a simple wooden match and juice cup, or if you just happen to have some potassium chloride kicking around you can make gummi bears screeeeeeeeeam.

It's not like I'm pessimistic, but I do have the mug. More great demotivators from Despair Inc.

On an existential note, Are the laws of physics fine-tuned to support life? For instance, if gravity were just slightly stronger, the universe would have collapsed long before life evolved. But if gravity were a tiny bit weaker, no galaxies or stars could have formed. If the strong nuclear force had been slightly different, red giant stars would never produce the fusion needed to form heavier atoms like carbon, and the universe would be a vast, lifeless desert. Are these just happy coincidences? Princeton physicist Freeman Dyson has suggested that the universe, in some sense, "knew we were coming."

It seems Disney was right. It is a small world, after all.

Saturday, June 30, 2007

Fit to be Clicked

Not to understate the fact or anything, but the universe is vast. I stumbled over Nikon's Universescale while surfing around the other day. It sets up a good comparison, but for a truly far out experience, I like Space.coms way better.

On the subject of how silly website names have gotten, its the Web 2.0 site or Star Wars character quiz, can you figure them out?

On the medical front, A longstanding theory of how HIV slowly depletes the body's capacity to fight infection has been found to be mathematically unsustainable and if it were the actual case those suffering from the disease would die much sooner then they do. And in another challenge to their gospel about the disease, a new study slamming the link between male circumcision and reduced HIV transmission in heterosexual Africans is itself being slammed by HIV scientists. So much slamming for so little foreskin. Regardless of how effective circumcision may be in reducing the spread of HIV, strapping on a condom works even better, and you don't loose anything. As people are just figuring out that circumcision actually cuts off the best parts, I say use a condom and keep your willy's rides wild.

Talk about busting a nut! Hell has no wrath like that of a woman scorned and this freak job just had to go and prove it.

It seems Trojan thinks men are pigs, at least according to their Evolve ad campaign that features hogs magically transforming into hunkalicious studs with the mere purchase of one of their magical condoms. I was going to go off on a rant about it until I stumbled upon these Brazilian condom ads that just try to make women feel that way.

Talk about getting a boost! A man is suing the makers of Boost (a vitamin packed meal replacement drink), alleging that the drink gave him an erection so severe he needed to be hospitalized. Wow, and to think you can pick the stuff up at the grocery store for a fraction of the price of Viagra.

On the topic of partying, I sure wish I was there when these firefighters took on this blaze in which 2 tons of pot went up in smoke. To get an idea about what condition these boys must have been in, This video shows it all.

Ultimate fashion faux pas? Cameron Diaz visits Peru covered in communist slogans.

The concept of Gaydar is nothing new gays and straits alike have been seeming gay for thousands of years. If sexual orientation is biological, are the traits that make people seem gay innate, too? A small constellation of researchers is specifically analyzing the traits and characteristics that, though more pronounced in some than in others, not only make us gay but also make us appear gay. There is a bit to digest in this study, but I think it will help out the next time my innate gayness is challenged.

Tomb chess. Raise your undead army and take control of the graveyard.

On the topic of the dead, the archaeological find of the century, actually happened 100 years ago. The Mummy of Hatshetpsut, possibly the first documented Transvestite and the most powerful ruler of Egypt was actually discovered by Howard Carter in 1903, but left behind in the same tomb where he removed the mummy of her nurse. Archaeologists hope the mummy, which has lain unrecognised for decades, will yield clues about the mystery of her death and subsequent disappearance.

This is corn, this is corn on cocaine.

Some people are saying that the future just isn't what it is cracked up to be and this may be true. Just think about all the technology that ends up being just as annoying as useful. To start the pondering here are 7 annoying things about the future.

And you thought your job was bad?

The things kids are watching these days. Sure, there is the gratuitous violence in all those anime shows we port over from Asia, but over in Gaza...A Mickey Mouse lookalike who preached Islamic domination on a Hamas-affiliated children's television program was Martyred by Israeli soldiers in the shows final episode Friday. Talk about putting a spin on the civics lesson. And people wonder why there isn't a Gaza Disney...

Friday, June 22, 2007

Fit to be Clicked

Ah, the Pyramids of Egypt, is there any other grand construction or great architecture that has survived the the march of civilization, staying the river of time and quite frankly could be called a true wonder of the world? Egypt says no! Egyptian antiquities officials are up in arms over a new move to vote in a new set of World Wonders, to the point of having the iconic tombs removed from the voting list over at New7wonders.com. I can see their point, as the Pyramids are the last surviving Wonder from the original list, that would be like putting John Lennon on American Idol. Voting for the new wonders has been fast and furious over at the New 7 Wonders Website. Surf on over and take a look, It's a vote so you can put in your thoughts on what the new wonders will be.

This site takes the concept of shadow puppets to a whole new level.

The Vatican has recently issued a Ten Commandments for Drivers. No word yet on if they are going to slip that into Exodus, Leviticus or just add a new book to the new testament were St frances, (the patron St of many types of drivers) visits the Ford factory and returns with the new laws etched into hub caps.

Ever wondered what your car would look like in a crash? Or what would happen to you if it ever did? Wonder no more, our friends over at consumer reports have posted some crash test videos of the top brands. Not for the faint of heart, or Kia drivers either for that matter.

On the topic of Space, Astronomers have recently determined the mass of our solar systems latest Planet X, Eris and found that it is actually bigger then Pluto, striking yet another blow to the now non-planet's ego. And since we are taking about planets, does anyone remember Gliese 581c? That rocky world 20 light years away that scientists determined was in its Systems 'sweet spot' and had everybody speculating about it harboring water, maybe even life or at the very least something that could pass for life. Well, they take it all back, new measurements seem to point to it being a baking hell-world, however it's close neighbour 581d may be much more welcoming. For a look at some more out of this world wolds, surf on over to space.com's list of Top 10 Exo-planets.

Cucumber Pepsi? Whatever will those wacky Japanese come up with next.

The career of Russia's newest Robo-cop ends in a fizzle and pop. Yes, I meant that to rhyme. Really more of a robo-egg with camera's, but now that we have robots working for us, cleaning for us and now policing us, it's only a matter of time before they figure out we're freeloading.

Hindu's in India are very concerned about the Ganges River. It seems that the holy waterway is under the dire threat of drying up as a result of global warming. It struck me as odd that people who have corrupted the revered river beyond the point of any salvation or restoration are scrambling now that climate change will finish off the tortured river once and for all. The religious point of view; OK it's dirty and near incapable a supporting even plant life, so long as there is water it's still holy. Practical point of view; Oh Dear now what will the poor people drink? Humanitarian point of view;Thank god it's drying up so the poor people will stop drinking it. It seems the Ganges isn't the only casualty however. Apparently Climate change is partly to blame for the ethnic conflict in Sudan’s Darfur region as well.

You know your farm might be too close to the nuclear power station when your pigs start looking like this. However you know it's time to get out of dodge when your dog has kittens.

In response to criticisms that his recent books were too 'heavy' Stephen Hawkin is taking explaining physics theories to a whole new level in his latest offering 'George's secret key to the universe' known by it's working title 'Theoretical physics for dummies'. Complete with illustrations, Dr Hawkin hopes to make this complex material readily accessible to a simpler audience.

Ah, the trouserless judge story just gets ever more laughable. For those not in the know a Washington judge is suing his dry cleaners for $67 million for loosing his pants. It seems his take is that by driving the oriental couple into poverty via court costs, he is standing up for truth justice and the American way. Well, that's not so untrue; litigation is the American way. While arguing the case for his beloved lost pants, he choked up and fled the courtroom in tears...okaaaay.

On the topic of questionable judgements, I guess these parents in India figured that you're never to young to take up the family business. So they let their 15 year old son perform a C-section.

New vibrating condoms are shaking things up over India, where people aren't quite sure if it is a prophylactic or a sex toy. I say, why see things so black and white, it's a about time that someone came up with sexual aids that are both fun and functional.

Saturday, June 16, 2007

The Morning Wood: Jeremy Bloom

Jeremy Bloom was born 2 April 1982, in Fort Collins Colorado USA. An Olympic skier at age 19, he started skiing when he was three. He was a competitive alpine racer before turning to moguls. He made it to the 2002 Olympics.

Tuesday, June 12, 2007

Fit to be Clicked

No longer content with just sewing together Frankensteinian mash-ups of what nature has taken billions of years to perfect, some scientists are looking to create life from scratch, but are we ready to play god yet? If we don't who will? Is creating artificial biology really the same thing as creating life? Either way is it sacred or blasphemous. While the science itself is fascinating and the applications of custom-made microbes too numerous to count, science has accelerated to the point where the philosophers just can't keep up which poses interesting dilemmas in and of itself.

The Secret is a sham, Embrace the power of Negative thinking! The dark side has never been so pragmatic.

In a bold move to cut crime in the GBL demographic, California has started allowing over night conjugal visits for registered domestic partners. Stating that as nothing ruins a good jail fantasy like the boyfriend kicking around, Gays now have one less reason to commit crimes. Apparently Approving of this assault on this institution of Gay culture the civil liberties union has applauded the changes. On a similar vein,contrary to popular belief the U.S. military loves gays. They like them so much they even looked into creating more of them with some very unconventional weapons.

Are fast food chains deliberately misrepresenting their product or do underpaid immigrants and students just not take pride in crafting a burger that lasts forever anymore?

Maybe it is the fact that they are predators the size of a bus, but jumping sharks are just plain freaky. On a side note, researchers have discovered that these primitive predators use a very sophisticated full body nose to smell in 3D.

Is the pharmaceutical industry immoral, dishonest, corrupt or just misunderstood? With Glaxo having been sued for misrepresenting Paxil, and Merk for down playing the lethal side effects of Vioxx and now with the whole country of Nigeria suing Pfizer for killing off and a few hundred kids ( OK, to be fair some escaped with only "mild" physical deformities), in allegedly improper drug trials for an up and coming meningitis vaccine, one has to ask when is just a few flipper babies too many flipper babies?

Do diet pills cause suicidal thoughts? Possibly. However researchers may have overlooked the slim possibility that many might find having a fat distorted body quite depressing too. However, the FDA assures fat people that while North America's obesity problem has reached tragic levels, they are in no danger as a recent survey has found that they are most likely simply too fat to use standard suicide techniques to end their bloated ghastly existences.

Virtual Tourism. Explore the famed Machu Puchu via Gigapixel Technology.

It seems China just can catch a break these days, First tainted pet food, then tainted toothpaste, and now fake blood too. It's just been one consumer product scandal after another lately. Goodness people are even accusing the beleaguered country of Child labour of all things! Poo poo to them I say, China is blaming foreigners for its woes. One of the firms in question has admitted to hiring children, but not to produce Olympic merchandise; the kiddies get the puff jobs in the mines. Although here is some food for thought, did you know that 90% of those ever ubiquitous Vitamin C supplements are made in China?

This is one funky cake!

I just thought this was a cool clock, I'm not sure it will alter our perception of time or anything, but it is a nifty way to visualize it.

And so the robot uprising begins, whoever would have thought that it would be the Roomba's that brought humanity to it's knees. Those cute (yet insidious), little robots that suck are insinuating themselves into homes all over world and forcing innocent families to change their cleaning habits. In a recent turn of events, there are reports that a Roomba has recently violated all 3 laws of Roombotics. Irobot, the Roomba's manufacturer, says this so called "isolated incident", should not put off people considering purchasing one of the plucky little foot soldiers of it's mechanical army.

Just when you thought you had to rely on other people for the news, now you can just go ahead and make up your own! This fun site lets you write your own article and headline then generates a newspaper stub.

The Secret life of Mr. Lee. A cats eye view of the world.

On the topic of trivia, do you know where food comes from? Well if you don't your not alone, it seems a growing number of people in Britain don't realize that food comes from a Farm. This might very well explain the plight of farmers all over the world, people just can't figure out why the heck we need them.

I always figured peeing on an electric fence would be more theatrical, but I just love the way he falls over.

Friday, June 01, 2007

The Morning Wood: Frederic Michalak

Frédéric Michalak was born on October 16, 1982 in Toulouse, France. Frédéric plays for the "Stade Toulousain" and also for the "National French Rugby team". Rugby profiles list him as 172 cm (5' 7") in height and 78 kg (172 lb) in weight. He does an occasional ad for Nike as well.

Tuesday, May 29, 2007

Fit to be Clicked

The Autobots and Decepticons have had nifty restyling in the new Transformers movie due for release this July. For those that have missed them, you can take a peak at the movie trailers and photos here. In related news an unknown craft that looks suspiciously like the old Teletran-1 has been spotted in some mountains somewhere, why it has klingon graffiti on it is anyones guess.

On the topic of photoshop jobs, I am trying to decide if Men's Fitness digitally pumped him up or used the old squeeze the biceps trick for Andy Roddick's cover shot for the magazine.

Has reality TV become too visceral? A terminally ill woman in Holland is primed to give away her kidneys in a TV special put on Endemol, the same company that owns the Big Brother franchise. During the 80 minute episode, 'The Big Donor' Lisa will choose which of three lucky contestants will receive her kidneys with the help of text messages send in from viewers.

Talk about looking for the silver lining, researchers have discovered that there is apparently an upside to Herpes. Too bad it might cause Alzheimer's too.

Then again, scientists have been very hard at work contradicting themselves. One group of Scientists recently showed that multi-vitamins may increase ones risk of Colon Cancer, while another team almost simultaneously announced that those fickle vitamins may help you live longer once you have it.

The legal victory of rational over superstition in Philadelphia was short lived. Yes, after a week long crackdown on fortune tellers, the psychics are back to work.

Have your neighbors have jumped on the global warming band wagon? Trading in the old SUV for a hybrid, buying local produce and racking up carbon credits as if they are some kind of crusade to save the planet? Strike back with Carboncreditkillers.com!

I'm not sure what would be worse, trying to explain to you family how you were charged with a DUI in a wheelchair, or explaining to your neighbors that you got a great price for their dachshund at your yard sale.

Scientists ranging from engineers to Neurologists have but their collect brain power together give robots a bit of finesse by building a better robotic brain, or a cerebellum at least (the part of our brain that governs fine motor skills). while this brings us ever closer to that inevitable robot uprising, I think they will need to work on their conversation skills a bit more before we need to worry to much.

It pulses, it throbs, it jiggles around, all in time with your music. Strong-arming for Apple not withstanding, I'm sure this new Igasm Gizmo has a certain niche market writhing in anticipation.

A former employee for IBM is suing the company for wrongful dismissal after he was fired for trolling sex chat rooms on the job. According too the suit, he feels that instead of being fired and despite being warned about the behaviour previously, he should have been offered sympathy and support since it seems hes rather addicted to them.

It seems that you just can't marry your cousin anymore. A Pakistani court has jailed couple of newly weds for an un-Islamic marriage after it was discovered that the husband was really a woman...or at least still to much of a woman despite being a transsexual. While the brides father is pressing for annulment based on the grounds that woman can't marry women under sharia law, the couple insist that he just wants to marry her off to cover an uncles gambling debts.

It's not all doom and gloom for same-sex couples however. Carlos and Fernando, a same-sex flamingo couple of 6 years at the wildlife reserve in Gloucester are the blushing new parents of a chick that was abandoned in its nest. This is not the first orphan the couple of 6 years has raised as it seems the boys have a habit of chasing other birds away from their nests to that they can rear the chicks on their own.

Is being anti-heterosexual just as bad as being anti-homosexual? While the Polish parliament is pushing through legislation to cut down on gay themed chatter in schools and ordering psychological evaluations of the Teletubies, a gay bar in Australia has recently won the right to ban heterosexuals from the establishment citing that straits ruin the ambiance. While civil liberties groups are supporting the decision, I'm sure we haven't heard the last about it as Australia's equal opportunity laws prevent discrimination based on race, religion or sexuality.

Wednesday, May 23, 2007

The Morning Wood: Robbi Ginepri


Robby Ginepri, born October 7, 1982 in Fort Lauderdale, Florida, is an American tennis player who turned professional in 2001.

Wednesday, May 16, 2007

Fit to be Clicked

Some theorize that the universe never puts more on your plate then you can handle. If that is the case then I wonder where it got so much confidence in me. My apologies for the lag since my last update. Dealing with moving, unpacking and the annual parental visit ate up the early part of this month quite nicely. Today's post is a total a grab bag of links that I've been saving up over the past few weeks.

The search for Scotty! A beloved crew mate dies and they blast his remains into space then the pod crash lands on a remote mountainside of a primitive planet...Why does this plot seem so familiar? Life imitating Star trek has been a popular theme lately. Researchers are hard at work developing magnetic shields to protect intrepid explorers from the ravages of radiation while they are away from earth.

Psychics are under siege in Philly! City Inspectors have shut down dozens of fortune tellers citing an obscure decades old law against prognosticating for profit. Despite their extra sensory powers and the law being on the books for years, the psychics say they never saw it coming.

Speaking of questionable judgements, a group of teachers in Tennessee staged a mock assault on a bunch of 6th graders. During the last night of the trip, staff members convinced the 69 students that there was a gunman on the loose and had them hide under tables while a mock maniac rattled at the door. Now I'm all for a bit of primal scaring every now and then, but maybe stick to fire drills guys.

The Summer Meter is a nifty site...if you have ADD or something. Sure, an online countdown to summer is a fun thing but after watching it run for a few seconds I start to panic watching the numbers fly by.

Updating a story I commented on a few posts back. That bleating bride from Sudan, Rose the goat, has passed away. For those of you unfamiliar with the story, Rose was forced into a marriage with a man who was caught using her in a... manly fashion. Alas, she went the way most media darlings have of late, choking on a plastic bag. She is survived by 1 kid, hopefully from a previous marriage.

Despite PETA's concerns about how animal brides are treated in some countries, the Ms Camel Pageant in Saudi Arabia went on as planned with dozens of desert beauties strutting their humps and lady lumps vieing for cash prizes, cars and an exclusive mating contract,(with another camel of course, this isn't Sudan after all)

Need a good reason to protect biodiversity? Brazilian Sex Spiders. After noticing that one of the side effects of a bite from the spider just happens to be ragging preapism that lasts for hours, scientists have isolated the toxin responsible and hope to use it to boost current fertility treatments. Go Spiders!

Sure, we've all had those stick-it-on-the-fridge-and-call-it-cute moments, but have you ever wondered what Kids are really trying to draw? This site has some kids drawings touched up by a professional artist and those doodles don't seem nearly as cute now...

Talk about jumping on the bandwagon. Now not only can you get your daily dose of carbonated water, Aspartame, Phosphoric Acid, Potassium Benzoate and Caffeine from a Diet Pepsi, the nice folks over at Pepsico are throwing in 10 to 15 percent of the daily requirement of niacin, zinc, magnesium and vitamins B6 and B12 to help you get through the day. Cola as a source of essential nutrients, what is the world coming to? Next they'll be selling us cigarettes with Vitamin D and Echinacia.

On the topic of smokes, is it just me or is the concept of fire resistant cigarettes as silly as it sounds?

Staying with the theme of things that cause cancer, another great hobby of mine has just been ruined. Researchers have found that Oral Sex (of all things), may raise your risk of cancer. Of course, that threat has never stopped my penchant for sucking on cigarettes, it just seems that everything I put in my mouth is bad for me these days.

Now I've been known to water the garden every now and then, but these urinals are taking that metaphor to new extremes.

Canadian spy coins, what a sensational concept! We never hear much about what the folks over in CSIS get up to so I was very excited over reports that US defence contractors were picking up bugs when they came north of the border. Clandestine nanoscale transmitters, it shows my tax dollars at work. The truth is much more laughable, the so called spy coins turned out to be the commemorative poppy quarter.

German soccer players Michael Ballack and Oliver Kahn received a nice payout in an bit of an interesting branding battle. The stars sued the firm Beate Uhse because it sold special World Cup vibrators called "Michael B" and "Olli K" last year without their permission. While the stars were awarded a modest amount, considering the popularity of footballers these days I would have sued for a cut of the sales.

Friday, April 27, 2007

Fit to be Clicked

Monsanto, a multi billion dollar company that almost has the market cornered when it comes to genetically engineered seed and crops is worried that you are being deceived. Even recently complaining to the FDA about those pesky organic dairy farmers, weirdo hippies and any other nutbars that insist on labeling their products as free of artificial hormones or genetic modification. It seems that by declaring their products free of such things, the farmers are insinuating that artificial hormones, pesticides and what-have-you are somehow bad for you. Laughable as it sounds, Monsanto may just have a point.

I think the idea of an alarm clock that runs away is cute. And I bet a lot of people that bought these things thought that too but if they are anything like me they could have probably tore it's wheels off after Snooze hit #3.

For those of you that don't have pets, and haven't encountered any hysterical pet owners over the past few months, there was this massive recall on pet foods because it seems that some of the ingredients were poisoned with industrial chemicals. Then to make matters worse, it turns out that the food that pigs are eating was contaminated with yet another poisonous chemical. There are conspiracy theorists out there wondering if it was done for profit as they claim that these chemicals make it look like there is more protein then there is. However, I think the answer is a bit more practical then that. The one thing that all these tainted ingredients have is that they come from China, and not just one factory in China either. While all sold by the same distributor, the tainted fillers and proteins came from several different rending plants. Now back in August of last year the Chinese were all in a panic over Rabies (as they should, it is one of the leading killers in China) and did a massive pet cull destroying about fifty thousand dogs. That was all fine and good, but it didn't solve the Rabies problem. Fast forward to November when the Chinese Government adopts a 'one small dog per family' law. Of course, people get attached to pets and regardless of prosecution may be tempted to not destroy any extra Pooches. Authorities are far to busy persecuting Falun Gong practitioners to go door-to-door looking for pets, so it not a big jump to wonder if poisoning the little darlings may well have been China's Final Solution to it's pet problem.

Fill 'er up...with Bacon! The fate of the poisoned pigs isn't so dark, after all some enterprising companies have figured out how to make gas out of them. Now don't get me wrong, I am all for Bio-fuels and finding creative uses for animal remains but I find the idea of running cars with dead animals just a wee bit disturbing to me for some reason. I guess I am used to my car running over them as opposed to running on them. It just might work tho, all it would take is a bit of genetic tinkering to make some extra fat Diesel Pigs, maybe Monsanto can help them out with that.

Smoking can be hazardous to your health, but it can save your life too.

There has been a lot of chatter lately about how the U.S administration has an agenda that seems to run counter the the best interests of the American way of life. The thing about democracies is that there are many visions on precisely what that way of life should be, so one can't demonize the current U.S. administration for trying to usher the country into the brave new world that they envision. There are however warning flags that such a direction may not be the best way to go. Top 10 signs your country is turning into a fascist state, or How to curtail constitutional freedoms in 10 easy steps. An interesting comparison about the recent political climate in the United States. In other political news, U.S. President George bush voted unanimously to grant himself the constitutional power to grant himself more powers.

On the environmental/entertainment/political front, Singer Sheryl Crowe is encouraging us to cut down on the amount of toilet paper we use. Which made me pause for a moment, as I can't figure out why it's cute when those annoying Charmin bears dance around singing about how great using less toilet paper is, but when a singer just talks about it I crack up laughing. Crowe and Karl Rove mixed things up recently at the White House Correspondents dinner. After reading a few different perspectives on the encounter I'm still not sure if Rove was just tired of global warming and just wanted to talk about golf, or uncomfortable being touched by people that use so little toilet paper.

On the topic of politicians that say dumb things. The European parliament and Poland are at odds over a draft of legislation that would ban the 'promotion' of homosexuality in Polish schools. During the debate Polish MEP Witold Tomczak was recently quoted to say "The solution is to help those who suffer [homosexuals] and to provide them with the cure that they expect us to deliver". Try as I might I can't find any headlines about Gays getting together and lobbying any government for a cure to homosexuality. I guess they suffer in silence. Not to be outdone, an MEP from the League of Polish Families, Maciej Giertych, has published a pamphlet stating that homosexuality is "biologically useless" and "reversible" as long as there is "the desire to become heterosexual and the spiritual motivation". I may cede to his point on the reproductive aspect, however even animals use sex for reasons other then reproduction and most of them are gay too. The expression of homosexuality must have some social and evolutionary benefits (other then concentrating style, taste and flair all in one friendly demographic), otherwise natural selection would have certainly culled it out fairly quickly.

Of course, it would unfair to single out Poland for enacting senseless laws when it comes to sex, check out this list of bizarre sex laws from around the world. Keeping with the theme, it seems that a direct descendant of the prophet Muhammad has been doing gay porn on Xtube. [This story mentioned with no insult to the respected teachings of Islam, although he does seem to violate bizarre sex laws 1 and 2]. It seems there is an arrest warrant out for Richard Gere and Shilpa Shetti for 'transgressing all limits of vulgarity' at a recent appearance. It sounds really hot, until you realize that apparently Indians are very good at hysterically overreacting.

Runaway Brides! A Nigerian woman and her 4 lesbian brides go underground after their wedding to avoid death by stoning or something worse. Why do I see either OutTV or the Playboy channel picking up the rights on this story...

The makers of that slippery adult lubricant Astroglide made a huge gaff earlier this week when they accidentally posted the names AND addresses of 250 thousand people that had requested free samples of their product...ONLINE! Personally I've never been a fan, I find it breaks down in the high friction situations I often find myself in.

Schadenfreude (an overly long German word that can be summed up as simply being spiteful), is not a very evolved thing and I do so try to repress the urge to cackle with glee whenever a celebrities antics catch up with them. Snoop Doggs bad boy image has gotten him banned from yet another country. Officials in Australia cancelled his travel visa after he failed a character test when pleading no contest to a slew of weapons and drug charges in the US. "He doesn't seem the sort of bloke we want in this country," Immigration Minister Kevin Andrews was quoted to say. Newsflash Snoop, the 'street cred' that made your career can also destroy it. In other celebrity news, English actor Hugh Grant has been arrested for assaulting a photographer...with beans!

Life imitates the movies, it turns out that Kryptonite is real. Although its not really Kryptonite and they are calling it Jadarite and it fluoresces Pink not green, so I can't see what all the fuss is about but it does provide a handy lead into BBC's Site about the science behind a few of our favorite superheroes.

Wednesday, April 18, 2007

Fit to be Clicked

Briefly coming back to a click in my last post about Scientists creating synthetic sperm from Stem cells, I stumbled across an article musing about something I hadn't considered. The same group is looking for ethical approval to create She-Sperm from Female cells. Which while would be a boon for lesbians, is just plain weird. If they can grow She-Sperm, it's only a matter of time before they start pumping out He-Eggs which would make for some very interesting family planning I think.

Do you know how famous your favorite celebrities are? Play Famousr and find out.

Mmmm, McDonald's shopping spree vs. Childhood obesity. I wonder who decides where to put these billboards.

OK, so I like making fun of old people and I'm not alone, this Mobility commercial showing swinging seniors 'getting 10 kinds of nasty' just cracked me up. It's a bit sad though that after the party they went home and were crushed under a pile of their own offal. I do have to feel bad for these people, after all, other then drowning is a sewage tsunami, being trapped under a pile of your own trash for a week is a pretty undignified way to go.

Waste time and stay informed with MSNBC's NewsBreaker game!

Break out those mini eggs, researchers with a sweet tooth have proven something women have know all along, Chocolate really is better then kissing.

Hmm, you know those hysterical types that say that amending marriage laws to let gays marry will just open a floodgate of perverse unions between people, oddly shaped trees, helpful robots and unsuspecting animals. Well it seems that the Sudanese don't need gays for that, just last week a village council forced a man to marry a goat and pay a dowry to it's owner after he was caught...using the goat in a wifely fashion. Why do I get the idea that this was a win/win for everyone except for the goat?

This sneaker's not made in Japan, it's made OF Japan.

Speaking of sex, the Archbishop of Canterbury recently spoke about his concerns that questions of sex and the inclusion of homosexuals in the church will irreparably divide the Anglican communion. Which quite frankly, from the exclusion of the U.S. Episcopalian churches in Anglican affairs, to the split of some larger congregations, I think it already has. Dr Rowan Williams, the Archbishop of Canterbury and the head of the Anglican church, will be meeting with the Episcopal Bishops in the U.S. to try and mend the rift a little, but I believe the separate factions of the church have already reached the 'Irreconcilable differences' part of this divorce.

Imagine every ones surprise when a recently published study revealed that Abstinence only sex education doesn't work. Of course it doesn't work, Considering how much sex we are bombarded with from day to day in movies, TV, newspapers and so forth, the idea that teens will not have sex just because teachers they have no respect for anyways tell them 'it's better to wait' is not only misguided, but completely laughable. Of course this is just my view, some other people have some pretty interesting views on the matter as well.

The million monkey theory is hard at work on this website. The Drawball is actually one of the best implementations of online graffiti I have ever come across.

On the topic of animal stories, I stumbled across more then a few. Here's one about a very confused Chinese mouser has gone and adopted the mouse it was supposed to eat and these motivational posters for cats are a must click for any cat lover. On the invertebrate scene a family of spider mites has rediscovered the joy of sex, which makes them the first species ever to have re-evolved sexual reproduction. Go Mites!

Look daddy kittens! I just love this picture.

Some interesting news on the Physics front. Scientists have confirmed that, as per Einsteins prediction, the mass of the earth does indeed bent space-time, and are now hard at work figuring out if it drags it around as well.

Just some food for thought. One is infinitesimally small, the other incomprehensively huge, and yet the symmetry is downright eerie.

My significant other is so desperate to look popular he even invited my mother to Facebook so he could have another friend. And that's no 'Yo Mama' joke either. I on the other hand, just use the popularity dialer and look popular in real time.

Fun with Microwaves! I wonder how many things they nuked before finding a bar of soap that would do this.

Sunday, April 15, 2007

The Morning Wood: Daniel Migani


Daniel Miagany (born on September 18, 1978 in Los Angeles, CA) is a male fashion model who has appeared on the cover of San Diego's Rocket, Frontiers, IN Magazine, Revista Adelante and other numerous magazines.

One of my friends recently mentioned that the Morning Wood boys have been getting prettier and prettier. So Sean, this bad boys for you.

Saturday, April 14, 2007

Fit to be Clicked

Busy, busy, busy... One of my favorite authors has passed away this week, that being Kurt Vonnegut. From the foot fetish inspiring Bokonism of Cats Cradle to the time shifting fatalism of Slaughterhouse 5 and all the existential quirkiness between, before, after and beyond his books and writing style warped my young mind in ways that would most likely take psychiatrists years to unravel should I ever give them the chance.

Moving along to some much lighter fare now. Online genealogy sites are all the rage, but ever so dry. Get Medieval on its ass and tell your families story (or any story really) by creating your very own Historic Tapestry online!

I just had Wendy's for lunch and after browsing this site, I think I am going to be sick. Morbidly fascinating, burger after burger I just couldn't click away. It's the Burger Museum.

I think Cadbury just found a new Mascot for their cream eggs. On the topic of Cockatoo's this Miller light commercial featuring a Brazilian Fighting Cockatoo was just to rich to pass up.

For the longest time, I thought the stories of The U.S. Military using animals were hoaxes, but apparently they've been using them since the 50's. The Navy's Special Ops dolphins, (and Sea lions too) may be getting a new assignment. The top brass is looking to deploy them in Washington State. While I am sure they would be helpful there, I'm placing bets that the next story about them will about how they all go AWOL and are next seen frolicking in Hawaii. There is a reason that bottle nose Dolphins don't go that far North. It's too darn cold for them!

Here is an interesting bit of Trivia. The fearsome king of the Cretaceous, the Tyrannosaurus Rex is a distant relative of modern Chickens. Scientists recently demineralized bits of a 68 million Thigh bone from one of the mighty beasts and found some protein fragments similar to those found in chicken bones. Mmmm, I bet they would make mighty good wings.

Speaking of bones, I could have thought up a much more interesting headline for this next article. 'Bones blow load', 'Scientists teach old bones new ticks.', the list just goes on. Scientists are quite excited by some experiments where they coaxed bone cells to produce immature sperm cells. While interesting, men have been milking sperm from bones for quite some time now, so while I appreciate the irony, I don't think it's anything new.

If you have troubles getting a date, it turns out, you probably live on the wrong coast.

Australia's Prime Minister, John Howard, has waded into some murky waters by calling for an immigration ban for those infected with HIV, so far the reaction hasn't been pretty. However such immigration bans aren't at all uncommon. Most developed countries including The UK, China, the U.S. and even the ever compassionate Canada have similar immigration restrictions that turn away those with infectious diseases, and HIV is part of that package. The debate as to whether such policies are ethical aside, I do find that them a humanitarian failure of global proportions. Higher living standards, access to cutting edge treatments, and care facilities make those afflicted with the the disease in developed countries the healthiest in the world so it's no wonder that people would want access to that.

California Governor Arnold Schwarzenegger took some time to sexually harass mother nature, saying that the Environment is going to have to get sexy if anyone is going to care about it.

Granted, the details on this story are a bit sketchy and I would never be one to critique Sharia legal tradition but I just think that getting 80 lashes for being sexually abused by ones stepfather is a little extreme. 20 maybe, but 80 is just over the top.

CompuBeaver! Here's a big old 'What the hell!', for this product.

I'd like to try this flip trick without clothes on.

Friday, April 13, 2007

Just a quote

Find a guy, who calls you beautiful instead of hot.Who calls you back when you hang up on him. Who will stay awake just to watch you sleep. Wait for the guy who kisses your forehead. Who wants to show you off to the world when you are in your sweats. Who holds your hand in front of his friends. Wait for the one who is constantly reminding you of how much he cares about you and how lucky he is to have you. Wait for the one who turns to his friends and says, "...that's him."

That's my Steffen.

Thursday, April 12, 2007

The Morning Wood: Udi Karni



Udi Karni. I don't know too much about him other then the fact that he's hot, Israeli and good with poles. Along with preparing for the Beijing Olympics this 23 year old athlete has thankfully taken some time to model. For those who are interested, his pole vault record is 5.25 Meters and he recently won the national Decathlon.

Wednesday, April 11, 2007

Fit to be Clicked

Our brains are pretty funky things, constantly aggregating information from all our senses and building a subjective interpretation of reality so that we can interact with the world around us. It's not surprising how debilitating losing one or two would be, but have you considered what would happen if you added a couple more?

Talk about unclear on the concept. Here is a touching story about a Thai drug dealer that got so good a beating people up in jail that they fast tracked her early parole.

How dating my ex was like playing Doom 2 on nightmare mode.

One would think that after all these years, people would get the hint and not put lead in children's toys. Unless they are implementing some sort of child poverty final solution that is. This really isn't anything new however, it's actually part of an ongoing agenda to maim as many children as possible. Don't take my word for it though, just look at some of these other maiming machines that toy companies has passed off as harmless fun over the years.

Funky photography! Who ever through the dance between coffee and creamer would look so lovely.

Following up on novel things to do with the remains of our dearly departed, Keith Richards snorted his father! ‘I couldn't’t resist grinding him up with a little bit of blow,’ Richards said of his father's ashes. He did take the comment back, claiming it was all in jest, but considering the man is more preserved then alive, I wouldn't put it past him.

US president George W. Bush just hasn't learned that the sins of others don't forgive ones own.He reacted to the recent EPA ruling that sais the US has to cut its carbon emissions with his trademark puzzling logic. Apparently if the US cuts its emissions, China would then be the largest polluter and being number one would allow them to pollute more. I suppose Chinese superiority in this field would send a dangerous message to terrorists as well. However,rebuffing criticism that the US Administration is doing nothing to prevent climate change,bush pointed to his latest initiative to preserve critically endangered glaciers with a captive breeding program.

It's about time that Fairy tale weddings came to the Magic Kingdom. Disney, a company long known for its tolerant attitude, will now permit Gays and lesbians to have magically commercial weddings at Walt Disney world and it's resorts. Until now this was a privilege reserved for those with valid marriage licences, (AKA Heteros). Although I do wonder how many princesses can show for a wedding before things turn ugly.

On the topic of Life imitating Disney. For all of us that bawled through the mid 80's adventures of Tod and Copper, here is a real life Fox and Hound.

Ouch! I guess the new hummers aren't nearly as rugged as as we have been led to believe. It certainly paid to take the bus that day.

Nothing says spring like frivolous litigation and people are getting down right creative. I can almost understand being peeved at negligent dancing, but I just can't see this suit claiming damages from unreasonably dangerous coffee getting too far.

Artificial sweetener by any other name still doesn't taste like Splenda. On the topic of interesting lawsuits, the makers of Equal and Sweet n' Low are suing the makers of Splenda,claiming Splenda's advertising is misleading, confuses consumers and thus is hurting their business. Quite frankly, Equal and SnL suck ass (not in the good way either), and competing with a product that actually tastes almost like sugar is what is hurting their business. Here's a business strategy that might workout: take the money they are paying lawyers and develop a product that doesn't blow.

Bored at work? Here's the top 5 punch clock time wasters.

It's weird, but it actually looks quite tasty. Meat cake anyone?

Danielynn Birkhead-Smith apparently has a new daddy. Frankly, I don't buy it. This sudden revelation just smacks of a cover-up. The only other person capable of whipping up a media frenzy on this scale was her mother Anna Nicole, which leads me to suspect...Danielynn is a clone!

Sunday, April 01, 2007

Morning Wood Meltdown: Juan Matin Berberian


Juan Matin Berberian Blanco, a big name for a big man. Born April 25th, 1977 in Mar del Plata this Spanish Rugby player can be my Fullback any day.

There are some pictures from a calendar photo shoot that he did recently where he shows quite a bit of himself. I'm afraid they show enough (quite a bit I might add), to break my rules for pictures I post for the Morning wood. That being said, you can see them RIGHT HERE, and some MORE HERE. Go ahead and click, I promise you won't be disappointed.

Below is a video from Yahoo of the photo shoot and whats not in the pics, is all right there. It breaks my rules too, but hey, I blame the Cabernet. Please don't click it if you are under 18, or are offended by HOT HOT Rugby players. 'Nuff said.



Congratulations Juan, you have just earned the first Morning Wood Meltdown! Don't hesitate to email me to arrange for you to pick up...your trophy.